Making my way out of Hell

In hindsight, the Hell I went through after high school was actually a blessing in disguise to make me who I am today.

I could have chosen pretty much any path in life.  I earned pretty good grades in high school and I truly love learning.  But one fateful night, a couple months after graduating high school, I made the choice to try Methamphetamine.  That decision took the reins from me and led me off into a 5 year downward spiral into my own personal Hell.

I think I had the cards stacked against me just a little.  I had watched my father succumb to this disease my whole life.  Aunts and Uncles had always struggled with their own demons disguised as addictions.  I just fell in place for my turn.  I do not blame them in the least for this, but I do think it added some susceptibility for my own addiction.

Dropping classes is where it began.  I needed the time I was in class to instead hang out with the people I was using with! I quit my job and just hung out getting wired all day.  After about a year of this, I was getting bored with the drug and tried to pull my head above water a little bit.  I enrolled in a technical school and was doing okay with getting away from the drug. And then I met someone I’ll refer to as A-Hole.

A-Hole was a full blown addict and had been for years.  He was the type of guy that would have made my skin crawl if my brain wasn’t under the influence.  Kids from different women all over Hayward, didn’t know how to keep his penis in his pants, and he felt that beating the crap out of his girlfriend(s) was acceptable.  I wish I would have known all that BEFORE!!!!

Close to 3 years I spent in that hell.  I didn’t know that I deserved better.  All the times I tried to leave, the empty threats against my family warped my mind into staying for the abuse.

Eventually, I gained the courage to leave.  Took me getting arrested but I finally was able to get out and stay away.

Getting arrested was actually the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in my life.  I chose a deal to do a 6 month outpatient drug program and it worked!  I was totally ready to quit at this point and I believe that was the secret to my success.

While doing my program, I met the man of my dreams.  I used to see him ride his Harley past A-Hole’s house and I always said I just wanted to know him at least.  That was almost 6 years ago and we are still as strong as Day 1.  His undying love and support through all the residual effects of the drugs (anxiety and PTSD) and all the other obstacles in life have made me realize MY worth and restored my faith in good men out there.


This is a very stripped-down version of what happened because I just want my story out there.  I am not looking for pity or anything like that.  If reading my posts helps you in any way, then I am happy.


Thank you for reading.



One thought on “Making my way out of Hell

  1. Im so very proud of you. I was only there for a portion of it but I know you’ve come so far. We were together in this, and I can agree without all the bullshit, life is so much better. Very well written, I love you!

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