Archive | March 2014

Can’t turn my brain off

I don’t understand the way some people live and think.  Maybe that’s normal though.  Seems to me people as a whole would want the best for their communities and the Earth but it seems like the main motivation in life is to acquire the most material things that you can while creating waste by tossing last month’s model in the landfill.  I’ll admit, there are things I lust after that are totally impractical but I’m human.

I see people all over social media bragging about what they have, what they’re getting, what they’re eating, and the most disturbing, people who are totally wasted under the influence, and they’re behind the wheel of a vehicle bragging about how they aren’t sure if they can drive home (WTF?!). 

Maybe because my family has a long history of alcoholism, this is a little more of a sensitive subject to me.  I remember hearing the stories my aunt would tell about how she wouldn’t remember how she got home from the bar the night before and having to go out and check her car for damage/blood to make sure she didn’t hit something or kill someone.  This blatant disregard for others has lingered in my mind ever since I first heard this story and I remember with every sip of alcohol I consume.  Maybe that is a reason I’m not a big drinker.  

I see all these major corporations chemically and genetically modifying the foods we eat and I get sick thinking about it.  These people are making people lethally sick while the doctor’s are making millions treating the problems that these foods are causing.  It’s a giant profit cycle and they’re using us as guinea pigs.  Like we’re disposable.  Most other civilized countries have banned these GMO companies, so why haven’t we?!

I see people getting pumped full of more chemicals than just the ones we are eating by the drug companies and doctor’s who would rather get us dependent on prescriptions than to actually find the cause of our ailments and fix things with natural cures.  The health problems that are dominant in our society weren’t even heard of in most cases, in our parent’s generation.  The numbers of cases of cancer, diabetes, etc are astronomical compared to the numbers 40 years ago.  

I see children getting “dumbed down” by all the technology being thrown at them.  Sure it’s great to have access to unlimited knowledge but most of the bullshit on the internet is exactly that, bullshit.  The children of this generation will never know how to look something up in the card catalog in the library because of the computers, they will never know the agony/joy of spending hours in the bookshelves trying to find research a subject ( I loved that stuff), and I see these same kids being tethered to video games, tv, computers for their fun instead of playing in the sun and making up their own games.

I see the wars ripping apart countries.  I see countries that have nothing to do with these conflicts butting in and making the conflicts worse and worse.  I see the men and women that are fighting the conflicts we have no business fighting in, coming back broken, missing limbs, and the worst, coming back with mental illness that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.  The government sent babies to fight their war that was based on mostly lies.  9/11 will always ring in my mind and it was a horrific tragedy but instead of rushing to retaliate, we should have held off to get more information about what/who we needed to fight.  12 years later and we’re still fighting what?  

I see the media trying to smooth everything over and reporting nonsense stories while there are serious conflicts going on all over the world that could pose a threat to us.  But the news reports about how Kim Kardashian got disrespected somewhere….who fucking cares??? 

i see all this stuff and I wonder how most people can be so blind to what is really going on in the world.  


Coming up for some air

So I haven’t written too much lately, but it’s because I feel like I’m drowning from everything going on in life.  

My head hurts constantly from all the stress and my PTSD is the worst it’s been in years.  I can’t find a job, not from lack of trying, but no one wants to hire an ex-druggie who hasn’t had a real job since the early 2000’s.  I don’t think I’d hire me if the roles were reversed so I don’t blame them.  All I want is a chance.  

My stomach is constantly in knots over my situation.  It’s not really all that bad; I have a roof over my head, sometimes there is food in my fridge, my guy is pretty fucking amazing, and for the most part I’m happy.

When I start to think about the financial situation is when I get all screwed up but it’s hard not to think about it because at every turn I make, there is the constant reminder that I’m broke.  I stopped “wanting” things a long time ago, but it hurts when you NEED and there’s no where to turn.  

I’m not asking for any handouts.  I’m not going to take something from someone who really needs the help more than I do.  

Also it seems like everything on TV is out to make people think things are fine in the world.  Where are the real stories about how the government keeps pumping all kinds of chemicals into everything from the stuff we eat to the things in our homes and how those chemicals are causing all these cancers and sicknesses that we didn’t have 40 years ago?  Why are we only told about how these celebrities lost their baby weight and what actor got engaged to what singer and so forth?