2015…..what an emotional roller coaster. A whole bunch or up, down, sideways feelings. (Nothing unusual to someone with PTSD like myself, but this year was like it was enhanced.)
I’m starting to notice more clarity in my mania and less of a fall into the sadness. Kind of like my whole life I had been trying to stay afloat in a swamp and now I found my way into a freshwater creek; it’s easier to see through the muck and when I lose my footing, there’s a hard bottoms to help myself stand up.
I realized who I could really trust and who had been fighting against me this whole time. In the end, I really only need those handful of people on my journey; everyone else was a lesson or a distraction from my true path.
I’ve noticed the more I get back to the things I enjoy, the more my inner peace takes over. Creating makes me sane. Counting beads for loom work focuses my constantly active brain onto one task. I forgot how peaceful it could be.
I thought for years that I would have to completely change who I was to overcome PTSD. Like I had to get out of myself to get past everything when it was really the opposite. In order to get my head back on right, I had to get back into my head and myself and understand why I was giving my demons so much power over my brain and body.
Thank you to readers who may choose to follow me on my journey. I promise my blogging will improve in 2016.